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RocketmAAn's Ramblings


Power to the People's Republic of Poker Players

By: FunnnyBone @ 23:31 (EDT) / 34 / Comment ( 0 )
Power to the People's Republic of Poker Players
(need a name here, the PPP makes me wish the next tournament break would come soon and sounds too much like the KKK.

Do you think if the PPA freedom fighters fought against tyranny, financial harm and discrimination against the poker playing people, by storming the US Asstorneys NY office, we could get support from the US armed forces or NATO? As members of the P Party (Poker), we would declare them "Enema combatants" since the f***ed us up the a**. They would be held indefinately at a replacent facility for Guantanamo in, you guessed it, sunny Jaurez Mmehhhicoooo. I bet we could at least get some air time on John Stewart's The Daily Show. In keeping with the Guantonomo tradition of providing better health care to the their "residents" than was provided to 911 first responders (none), we would have to find a cure for the HUTA syndrome they all seem to suffer from (Heads Up Their A**). I would support torture via boarding (not to be confused with “water boarding”, plain "boarding" involves knocking them upside the head with a 2x4 board). I know testimony obtained under torture is unreliable and should be inadmissible in a trial, but it still would be fun, no? Consider it an appropriate sentence under the soon-to-be passed "Bad Beat" statute that punishes all those who oppose poker (no wait, let's make it a Constitutional Amendment. yeh that's it). As benevolent captors, we would still allow them to participate as returning champions in the WSOB World Series Of Bullsh*t.

If successful, we could pass many new laws.

We would change the tax code with deductions for losses to Donkeys, Burros and others belonging to the A** class.

Las Vegas would be declared a Tax Free Poker Enterprise Zone.

Promote Green behaviour
Poker players enroute to: a casino, a live game, or home to play online, would automatically qualify to drive in the Carpool Lane (or as I just found out, what the US gov’t labels “HOV” lanes (no, not hovercraft, High Occupancy Vehicles) :-D On that theme, provide free HOV casino transportation to Fish (funded through governent mandated, equality based, campaign contribution to unlimited equal matching contributions from the RepubliCon party.

Prison Reform
A 3-strikes law would be enacted against Multi-Tablers that slow play down to a nap-inducing crawl. If they time-out 3 times, they are ejected from all their tables and sentenced to a 3 Month Time-Out from the site. Further, we could pass "rake reform" demanding "play to stay" which would make it illegal to just sit at as many tables as possible, not to play, but just to maximize rake-back.

list additional candidates below---V
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