It seems everytime i get ready to compete in poker like real seriously , meaning no limit games , and tournaments that ive researched, but every time i build my bankroll and get ready for the matches i ve set up for myself in the near future I always deplete my bankroll before the big game or matchup because of my addiction to gambling. For instance a while back I saved my paychecks and did real well at a no limit game that I had buy ins to poker tourneys for a month and no limit games. Only to fall to my disease of gambling and I lost my bankroll chasing the dragon playing slot machines. Tragic.
Now my company I work for is about to close. I will be outta work. After six years of working for my company the doors will finally close. For my six years of work I take my work ethic my dedication and my many result s I turned in daily to my company with me , my friends of course I made and great relationships that I have. It is definately a blessing. The only thing that could of made it all better would have been to save my money. You see through six years of work I have nothing to show.. No money in the bank no new shoes or clothes no schooling no degrees no nothing.. I gambled every dollar I made in six years. Online and offline. I am f I sick to my stomach knowing this. So With all that being said you have to imagine I became a good gambler. Yep I am an icredible gambler now. With every loss i took after countess nights and days gambling when it was all over I took the loss but I also learned something every time out . I used to say it s a waste to gamble all night be up money but not walk away till I lost all it would be a shame i didnt learn something from it.. So I have so many learning points that now just on the subject of gambling alone I could write a book no joke. A very meaningful spiritual enlighting book with study points self evaluation and learning curves. I know so much now more than ever before in fact I will never go back to the gambler that I once was. Infact I gamble now knowing I am on another level than other players. Not only did I learn very strategic points of gambling but I became an incredible No limit poker player. Incredible gambler and tournament player.
So with all this being said just yesterday after a long graveyard shift at work and know ing were almost out of work soon I took my couple hundred dollars I saved and went to play in a tournament after work cheap one and then went to play live. Problem is they didnt have no limit only limit and well I lost all in that ring game, and the tournament. Now once again I lost the only money I have and yess I am one incredible player with knowledge but once again I lost my only means to eat. I am so disgusted with myself I really dont know what to do. Look for work but why , Because I lost every dollar I made working the last six years . But I have bills so I have to choose something. I have wanted to play in the World Series Of Poker for the last three years maybe the buy in for the Main Event is too steep but one of the thousand dollar events would of been fine to try to win the money for the main event or even a poker series like at the Bicycle Casino or Commerce Casino but I never got the chance . Every time I saved the money up I blew it gambling before I could ever put myself in a oppurtunity to shine. I dont know if I will ever play in something meaningfull to let poker players around the world know my name but it seems I will have to wait and when the timing is right and Ive earned my chance or saved the money then and only then will everyone know who I am.