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The diary of a donk

By GamblingProp, a poker player who spells and plays poker poorly
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Warning: The following blog post may contain a number of altered swearing words, somehow nfsw pictures and a portion of rage.

The 5 worst online poker chatters

We all have made some comments on the chat box that we are embarrassed of and wish we never made, but these 5 categories of people do those comments constantly.

So which are the 5 worst chatters?

5. The online poker pick up artists

The insane majority of this category are males and probably single.

So how do these pick up masterminds work?

Well they see an avatar of a pretty female on the table and they instantly assume that everyone is exactly what their avatar pic is.

Sometimes it happens to be the case, but the vast majority of the times the attractive female avatars that these people see are supermodels followed by a Mikey524 username.


So what goes on next?

It usually is a two-five word comment like ''you are very beautiful'', ''you damn hot'', or the classic Las Vegas drunken proposal... ''marry me?''.

They don't ruin the chat value, but they cause a feeling of pity since they rarely get a reply.

The main reason is that usually those supermodel avatar people that the pick up artists seek, are usually also males, who probably wont reply to the ''u want to marry me?'' proposal.

4. Oh the irony geniuses

They are the definition of every ironic meme on the internet.

 

What do they do exactly?

Those people will probably see a really bad play, a 20BBs open-raise from UTG, they will activate their Irony Launcher 1.0 and they will say something like ''great sizing'', ''I wonder what your range might be''.

Yes Nicolas Cage of online poker, their range is as balanced as much as you aren't an ahole.

Their comments might be funny sometimes, but overall they make fun of the probably novice player in a not so good way.

3. The Google translator users

No they don't use google translator, I got infected by the Irony Launcher apparently, but they should start using it.

So for whom are we talking about?
We are talking about the people of the whole world here.

Yes someone should chat only in english at pokerstars in most cases, but what if they can't?

Well in that case it looks like an alien civilization is trying to communicate with the humans.

Unless a miracle happens and someone at the table knows that language, a shakespearean monologue takes place in the chat box and no one is able to do anything about it.

Is there a solution?

Of course there is, if you are able to use the internet you should also be able to find a translating site.

That way we get to know what your culture thinks about losing with KK 3 times in a row.

2. The creative ones

These people are capable of making a decent conversation on the chat box but they prefer not to.

Their poker vocabulary contains three words and their existence is limited in repeating them on every occasion.

Which are those three words?

Donk, fish, jokerstars.

There is also no need for someone to play bad against them for those words to be typed on the chat box.

If someone with AK calls their A7 shove preflop and wins the pot, those three words will be summoned.

I am not sure if it's a defense mechanism and they are on denial of how bad they are at poker, or they just blow some steam.

1. The conspiracy theorists and the ultimate ragers.

Although two different categories, a lot of poker players combine both to make the worst chat box person you will ever see.

Who are they?

The conspiracy theorists are the people who know with absolute certainty that online poker is rigged, pokerstars gives players a bad beat period after they cash out for the first time and they make sure to mention it on every occasion.

It can be a flip when someone wins with AQ vs 55 and those people will start explaining with arguments that a 5 year old could make, why online poker is rigged.

The ultimate ragers are those who will make you lose some faith in humanity every time they chat.

Their agenda contains a swearing galore, from someone's family to non-treatable illnesses, these people surely are creative.

In the ultimate ragers should be included also my favorite type of ragers, the ''having a stroke on my keyboard'' ones.

Their rage is so phenomenal that they can't even type any words, so a typical chat response would look like this: ''gacuahygvtfybhuyvyhbucsycgtsuhufvgtrhurfgyfhrhgbyhunsygsrsfr''.

An anger management session is essential to those people.

So there you have it ladies and gentlemen, those categories of people have an impact on why less and less people are being social in the online poker chat box every day.

GamblingProp

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