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I Am Not a Poker Player

A month ago, my friend Scott Huff and I went to a poker tournament. I imbibed heavily, even though I fully intended (needed) to write about the event for this blog.  Afterwards, I took too long to look at my notes, and now I can’t understand what any of them mean.

Please join me on this fantastic journey to interpret those notes:

Note #1 – Deuces exposed

Not a clue.  Now know what deuces are, and I know what exposed means, but I don’t remember the relevance of this note.  It was either to say that I exposed them, or I somehow made some masterful play after seeing it happen.  Either way, I’m sure it’s not remotely as interesting now as I thought it was then, so I’m not going to waste any more brainpower on it.
I just now remembered what that note meant.  I thought it would be a great name for a strip club.

Note #2 – Ace eight of spades.  Firing out on the turn when I made two pair.

I’m pretty sure I had the ace eight of spades.  I’m pretty sure I made two pair on the turn and fired out.  And that’s about it.  I can’t remember anything else, but it did make me think “Get the fuck over yourself, dude.”

Note #3 – Huff’s folly.

I don’t know if I was talking about something he did during a specific hand, or if it was a particular battle he tried to win with one of the hoopleheads at his table, but the more I think about it – the more I think I was just talking about him getting married.  What?  I have a lot of time to think at the poker table.

Note #4 – “You like my diminishing raises?”

This one, I do remember.  I actually sent out a tweet that day:  “If people were talking like this in a poker movie, I’d say it’s too unrealistic.”  And I was talking about the guy who authored the above quote. 
Long story short:  I flopped bottom two pair with 7-9.  Jabroni to my right fires ½ the pot on the flop, 1/8 of the pot on the turn, and 1/30 pot bet on the river (once he rivered a King to make a better two pair).
So, to recap:  the only time he was actually ahead was when he made his smallest bet.   Then he bragged about it.

Note #5 – Bounty #1 46s 

This note was to make sure I collected one bounty after flatting pre-flop with 4s6s, and then calling his all-in on the flop when I hit a pair and a gutshot.
Can anyone spot the actual hilariousness of this note?  Very good!  That’s right!  The hilarious part is that I had the audacity to call this “Bounty #1!”  What optimism!  Unfortunately, a more appropriate title to this note would have been “My Only Bounty.”

Note #6 – Correctly folding bottom two to the same guy (set of sixes)

I actually folded two pair four times in this tournament, and three of those times, someone showed me a better hand.  Now, I’m just going to sit here and wait for my medal.  Hello?  Is this thing on?

Note #7 – Did I mspisplay Kibgs?  Won it on acehigh flop

I guess I really did have a legitimate question here.  I raised with Kings in late position and got three callers.  The flop came ace-high.  It checked to me, and I bet.  I won the pot.  I was pretty happy to win, but I am guessing I misplayed it, since almost all worse hands would fold, and almost all better hands would call?  Someone help me here.  Oh.  Wait.  Looking back at my notes, I see had Kibgs, not Kings.  Nevermind.  I played it perfectly.

Note #8 – “She’s been gobbling me.”

No explanation necessary (or remembered).
To close out: I lost a big pot with Jacks against A8, all in pre-flop, and lost the rest when I 3-bet shoved with Ace King and got called in two spots.  Unfortunately for me, two pair was again no good when the board ran out “A-J-T-K-X” and Ace Queen was good for the nuts. 
I did make $100 back at least with that one bounty, so I left only stuck $240 for the day. 
Here’s what all of those notes really amount to: Despite a big field of terrible players, I did not make it within a country mile of the money.  Also I drink too much.
But the important part is that I got to spend the day with my friend Huff.  We drove down in separate cars and sat at separate tables, but we had a really, really nice walk to the parking lot together. 

Previous Bankroll: $100  Current Bankroll: -$140  Net Profit/Loss: -$240

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