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I Am Not a Poker Player

Bankroll Update:
If you remember, when I last left you, I had decided I was going to make a real run at being a legitimate sort-of part-time poker player and start a bankroll.  
I assume I’m a losing poker player because every time I go to play poker, I have to take more money out of the ATM, take out a loan, hit up a credit card cash advance, or borrow it from my friends and or parents.
The last time I played poker (that I wrote about), I won $800 in a cash game and I was going to use that to start my bankroll.  Unfortunately, that bankroll suffered a pretty serious downswing in the following week.  It’s the kind of thing that many poker players go through.  Even when you’re playing perfect poker, you’re still going to lose sometimes.  However, I haven’t the foggiest whether or not I have been playing perfect poker, because I blew my bankroll at the strip club. 
Look, I had two girls that wanted to go with me, then head back to my place, so I wasn’t about to say “Um, well, I can’t really go.   Yes, I do have $800 in cash on me right now, but that’s my poker bankroll and I don’t want to go to the stripclub and get really drunk while I watch the two of you cavort with scantily clad women, because it might really mess up my next blog.”
Yeah.  I didn’t say that.  But, I also didn’t blow the entire roll there either.  In fact, the girls let me off easy, and I only parted with about half my bankroll.
They left me with $400, which was exactly two buy-ins at my local illegal $0.50/$1.00 game! –
Previous Bankroll: $800 – Current Bankroll: $400 – Net Profit/Loss: $400 LOSS
The Story:
Poker is legal in in California, but illegal if the dude takes a rake. WHICH my dude definitely does.  It’s only like $5/hand though, so it’s pretty much impossible to make any money there. Just the way I like it! I know this is going to upset a lot of the people out there who know a lot about the mathematics of how to make money at poker.  To those people I say, put down the calculator, and look at the title of this blog.  I am not a poker player.  I really don’t give a hoot about whether or not something is plus or minus Evy.  I don’t even know who she is.  Maybe I should take that more seriously, but I don’t.  Just means I have to play bigger pots!  Yeehaw!
My night was pretty typical for the first few hours.  A different night than the strip club night.  That night did not end in a typical fashion.  No it did not.  But at the poker game, it was the same old story – get a couple of really weak bluff attempts picked off, lose my nerve, slowly call-away most of my chips, show down a few very expensive and badly played second-best hands, get it in bad to either double up or rebuy with a full stack….
To be continued…

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