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I Am Not a Poker Player

If you read my last blog, that was the prologue for “The Worst Hand I’ve Ever Played in My Life.”  The hand is self-explanatory, so it’s really all about the context.  By the way, read “context” as “excuse I’m giving you ahead of time.”
 
Another little bit of context is that I was playing with this suuuuuper annoying, but very sweet, Russian boy.  For the purposes of this article, we’ll call him Dmitri.  Except I just realized how hard “Dmitri” is to type, so we’re just going to call him Sasha.  Anyways, Sasha is, like I said, super sweet, but he’s also that guy.  You know.  The guy who wears his sunglasses at the table, takes forever to make his decisions, and then after eventually folding to a 1/3 pot bet on the river says “I was trying to polarize there.”  You know.  That guy. 
 
Sasha had been “talking poker” with me all night.  And when I say, “talking poker” I mean he (with no provocation or reciprocation) started justifying his actions by adding the words “from that position” to the ends of all his sentences.  That’s not exactly true.  I definitely encouraged him after a while.  It was priceless.  Nothing a like more than getting some yoyo cranked at the poker table.  Love.  It.  Well, now that I’ve described Sasha, y’all will understand how I felt because I hadn’t beat him in a single pot.  I folded winners to him, and I holded losers. 
 
I had worked my stack down to around $140 ($200 buy-in), but I was mostly steamed, because it was up over $300 at one point.  So, even though $180 was fine, in my head it felt like that “double up or rebuy” time for me.  Mistake #1. Of many. 
 
I was on the button.  Translation: hey, at least there’s one thing about this hand I didn’t screw up.  At least I was in position.  I had King-Queen, diamonds.  The hijack limped, I raised, Sasha called out of the big blind, and the hijack called as well. 
 
The flop came 10-7-2 two hearts. Sasha checked, hijack checked, and I thought to myself “Two diamonds, two hearts?  What’s the difference?  Stop being a baby, c-bet, and take this down.”  I tried.  Sasha immediately raised me, and the hijack folded.  All I could think was “This kid’s worked me all night.  He can’t have anything here.  He just can’t  I’ll just put in a raise and take it down right here.”  Fail.  Sasha fourbets all-in. And before I can even think about it, I definitely snap “I call,” as if I have super-mega-nuts. 
 
I should know I’m dead, but I continue to be an idiot even after I can’t do anymore damage.  I literally deluded myself so badly in this hand, that I thought there was a good shot I was ahead. I remember thinking such nonsense as: maybe he’s got jacks and I can catch a king.  Maybe he’s on a shitty diamond draw, and I am winning. Yes, that might be very wishful thinking, but if you read my first bankroll update, you’ll know that some wishes DO come true. 
 
Anyways, it’s a cash game, so the cards don’t have to be exposed right away.  I almost always table my hand immediately, but I was so flipping embarrassed, I just couldn’t do it.
 
Needless to say, I missed both the turn and the river.  I didn’t even catch a fifth red, and I’m pretty sure he boated on the turn.  But since I had called him, I asked to see his cards first.  He had pocket deuces for a flopped set, which were WAY good.   And pretty much had me drawing dead on the flop. 
 
This is where I finally started using my head.   I acted unbelievably pissed, and mucked my hand.  The table debated what I had for the next few minutes before Sasha finally said (he was busy stacking up the gift I gave him) “Guys!  It’s obvious he hand an overpair.  Aces or Kings, right?”  “Kings,” I said.  “Kings.”
 
Despite that complete embarrassment of a hand, I managed to get a bunch back (none from Sasha, who asked if anyone could give him a ride to The Commerce when the game broke around 5am) and only left stuck $80.


Previous Bankroll: $400 – Current Bankroll: $320 – Net Profit/Loss: $80 LOSS

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