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I Am Not a Poker Player

/Nov/2011

"I Am Not a Poker Player" Blog #2

By: JoeStapleton @ 08:18 (EST) / 1298 / Comment ( 1 )

I am not a poker player.  I thought that would be an appropriate title for this blog.  As this blog progresses, and when you read about some of my poker “rationale” – you too will agree that I am NOT a poker player.

For those of you who don’t know, I am a poker “personality.”  I put the personality in quotes, because I guess that’s a matter of opinion.  Trying to make poker funny and entertaining got me fired from my first poker job, and hired for every one one after that.   Print media, blogs, podcasts, TV writing, TV hosting – I’ve done it all, and they’ve all had one thing in common: poker. 

I always say I’m a “poker hanger-on,” or a permanent passenger of poker’s proverbial “coattails.”  To be fair, I work my ass off trying to make poker fun and funny and exciting - but also to be fair – I do plenty of suckling on the poker teat.

At the moment, I have one of the coolest jobs in the world.  I’m a television and radio presenter for PokerStars.  Let me explain what that means:  I get to travel around the world – for free – and when I get there I get to be on television. I spend the rest of my waking hours (which isn’t many) hanging out with poker players and just trying to live out this dream, the best I can. Sometimes this involves me tagging along with a lot of high profile friends, alcohol, and womanizing, but more often – it involves all three.

The most surprising thing though:  I don’t play poker.  Ok, sure, I play a little.  I love poker.  But I am not a poker player.  I don’t have a bankroll, I go to the ATM.   I rarely play, and when I do, I it’s for very small stakes, and even that can make me visibly nervous. I don’t really make “moves,” I’m a calling station, and I can’t calculate M.  And if I won a $10k seat to one of the events I cover, I would sell it faster than you can say “Men Nguyen” as it would easily be the biggest poker score of my life.

All of this puts me in a very unique place.  I’m constantly around the big boys – I’ve got an “in” with the big boys….but I can’t hang with them.  I would very much like to play Chinese poker for X a point (where X stands for some significant portion of my rent), but I can’t.  I would love to play credit card roulette so Wolfgang Puck only has to run one card, but if you want me to pay for a $2,200 dinner – I can guarantee it’s gonna take more than one swipe anyways.  And of course I want to kick in on the bottle service, fellas – but I’m not sure I can afford 1/6th of $37,000. 

So while I’ve been accepted as part of the group – I’ll always be a bit of an outsider looking in.  Which is why I think my blog may be a little unique – because I’m still Jenny from the Block. 
You want an example?  How about getting invited over to Hank Azaria’s house to play $5/$5 poker?  Well, that’s a good one.  And it happened.  If you want to see how it felt before and after, check out my video blog.  If you want more details, I’ll chronicle the entire thing in my next blog…

Smell ya later!

Stapes

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